I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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