I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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