a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
