mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
