dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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