this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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