Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
