so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
