my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
