ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
