I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I believe in your delicious
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
