How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
