Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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