Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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