I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize