I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
