Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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