It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
