My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
