Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
