Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
