I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize