They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
