My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
