I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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