Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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