We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
