sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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