Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
