my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
