Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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