You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's like iHOP with fire
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
