now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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