He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My first STD was from a foam party
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
