he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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