Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
