Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
