I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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