i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize