Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
