It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
