You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
