Did you just see the Batmobile???
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
