Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize