it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
