sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
