I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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