college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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