Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize