His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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