I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
