You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
