just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
