Where is the hickey?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
