pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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