Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
