I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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