So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do vagina's smell?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
