At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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