One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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