nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
