we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
