Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
