We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
