I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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