we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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