Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize