Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
