then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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