Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
