I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
