I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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