She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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